Sunday, July 8, 2012

Big Mommy Lessons

As we are slowly coming up on the arrival of our baby girl, I have been doing a lot of reflecting on the things that I've learned as a mom. What will I do differently in round two? What wisdoms have I gained that will make this time easier?

First big lesson is this: There is not a wrong or right way to be a mom.

I've found that being a parent can be laden with insecurity. There is always someone who will say that you're doing it wrong, you're not doing enough. Why else would "mommy wars" get so out of control? Why do moms have to be in each other's business anyway? Pretty much for every decision you make, there is someone out there saying that it's wrong.  So many moms are naturally on the defensive about certain issues, and others are almost militant about their parenting choices. Hence mommy wars. Breastfeeding v. formula feeding, circumcising or not, vaccinating v. delayed vaccinations v. not vaccinated, homeschool v. public school, cloth diapering v. disposables, Baby Wise v. Dr. Sears... the list goes on.

Before Lyla was born, I read and read and read and read because I wanted to be the BEST mom and do everything the 'right way.'  I had zero real life experience with babies and felt that the only way to figure it all out was to study up. The result of all this reading was general confusion on a lot of parenting decisions and some insecurity when Lyla was born. Although I pretty much decided to ditch the books and magazines, I still felt that nagging sensation in the back of my mind.. "You're not doing good enough.. You're doing this wrong."  It was overwhelming (baby blues).

But I eventually realized that there is no RIGHT way to do anything. There is only the best way for me and my family. Who cares what so-and-so next door is doing or those people in that magazine you'll never meet or see in your life. I felt so much more relaxed and at ease and it has really shaped my outlook as a parent. In that way, I hope things can be easier this time around. We are the best parents we can be, and I know that now.

Second big lesson: You don't have to get everything done every day.

This one is pretty self explanatory. Prioritize. Certain things can wait. Sometimes it's better to just have a day of one-on-one baby time and clean later. Memories aren't made doing the dishes!

Not a big lesson, but this is one thing I'll do different... Don't cut your baby's bangs! They were getting in her face so we chopped them off. Now we wish we just let them grow out because they are STILL getting in her face! We'll let the next baby's take their natural course.

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